Wednesday, 16 May 2007


We don't just like the draft because its, well, the draft.Oh no we like the Draft because for years now we have been selecting our favourite stupid names pre-draft and then waiting to see what happens to them.So with an honorary mention to the class of 2007, Jacob Bender (NYJ) and Syndric Steptoe (CLE), here are our top 20 Draft Gems since 1982.Rating them 1-20 would be unfair, as they are all number one to us, feel free to let us know if you have any of your own.Heres to 2008, looking forward to it already.

Jeff Gaylord LB Missouri 1982 (L.A. Rams).

Oh dear.There was a wrestler by the name of Jeff Gaylord. Must be the same guy,You would'nt choose to be called that.

Smiley Cresswell DE Michigan St. 1983 (NE).

Smiley! A DE called Smiley! Striking fear into the hearts of Offensive lineman everywhere.

Buddy Funck QB New Mexico 1985 (DEN).

If they ever make PIMP THE MUSICAL then surely this will be the name of the lead role.

Thane Gash DB East Tennesee St. 1988 (CLE).

Some words have different meanings over here, and Gash is definitely one of those, unless it means vagina over there too.

Bryce Paup DE Northern Iowa 1990 (G.B.).

There is'nt anything particularly ridiculous here, but we have a friend who laughs at the mere mention of the Paupster.So he's in.

Yancey Thigpen WR Winston-Salem 1991 (SD).

Did you ever write out your name backwards when you were a kid to see if it was funny? Yancey did'nt have to.

Harry Colon DB Missouri 1991 (NE).

The faster you say it the worse it gets.

Larry Wanke QB John Carrol 1991 (NYG).

Another classic for us Brits, it did'nt matter how the commentators said it.

Tracy Scroggins DE Tulsa 1992 (DET).

A. Tracy is a girls name, and B. Tracy Scroggins sounds like a Country and Western singer.

Ephesians Bartley LB Florida 1992 ( PHI).

Mr and Mrs Bartley, come on, if you were going for the biblical thing, then go the whole hog and call him New Testament.

Pumpy Tudors P Tenn-Chatanooga 1992 (PHI).

The Eagles had obviously discovered comedy drafting in 1992.The fact that he's a Punter does'nt mean you can get away with Pumpy.

Harold Bishop TE Louisiana St. 1994 (TB).

This is only funny if you like Australian soap operas, because that would mean that this bloke would have been playing for the Bucs.

Carlester Crumpler TE E. Carolina 1994 (SEA).

This is a stupid name whichever way you look at it, but I did want the RAIDERS to draft him so that I could have a jersey that said Crumpler on it, being crumpled sounds painful.

Stockar McDougle T Oklahoma 2000 (DET).

Stockar! No Way. And then pairing that with McDougle.I'm not having that.

Anthony Midget WR Virginia Tech 2000 (ATL).

We have nothing against small people here but it made us snigger.

Bwawoh Jue CB Penn St. 2001 (G.B.).


Curry Burns DB Louisville 2003 (HOU).

Yes it does, and if you mix it with Guinness it will do you harm.

Richie Incognito G Nebraska 2005 (STL).

Was'nt he on the Disney Channel or something.

Craphonso Thorpe WR Florida 2005 (KC).

A personal favourite, it sounds like the name of the worlds worst magician, The Great Craphonso , and he was a Queef.

D'Brickashaw Ferguson T Virginia 2006 (NYJ).

There are alot of just plain made up first names in the NFL, alot of parents that just had a moment of madness, but come on whats wrong with Bill or Derek all of a sudden.

Special mention to the OAKLAND RAIDERS for doing their best to make the party with Brad Lekkerkkerker, Ken-Yon Rambo, and Mondriel Fulcher, but more effort is required in the future.

God Save The Al.

1 comment:

kigleigh said...

Good read,But you Brits sure have a problem with names don't ya? I just don't see why Larry Wanke is funny at all but hey?!!
Also that guy Harold Bishop looks like he could still play buddy...