Friday, 25 May 2007


Whats going on this week.

Jerry Porter's favourite corner has been full of praise for the best in the business - himself.Chump Bailey and his new partner Dre Bly are the best, because Chump says so. Now there is no point in saying that they are shit, they obviously are'nt, they do play for orange wearing, uniform changing donkey shit though, but someone has to.

Last year these two put up the following numbers between them.

13 Int. 0 Sacks 26 PD 119 T.

Not bad lads take a bow, pat each others backsides and stuff.Meanwhile over in Oakland on a 2-14 team Nnamdi Asomugha and Fabian Washington put up the these numbers.

12 Int. 1 Sack 22 PD 87 T.

These guys have 6 years in the NFL between them as opposed to the combined 18 years of the official (because they say so) best CB tandem in the league.Mr Bailey Sir, and Mr Bly Sir, be afraid be very afraid, oh and Jerry will be back to say Hi this year.

Sports Illustrated have interrupted their latest babe photoshoot to show us some pictures of football's coolest landmarks.The Black Hole comes in at #4, not bad I thought, I was intrigued as to what could be in the top three.Dawg Pound at #3, fair enough those guys can get a bit rowdy, at #2 I had to make sure that last nights Guinness had worn off.Raymond James' Buccaneer Cove.Not only does it sound like a shit theme park attraction, it looks like one.The cannons aboard this intimidating skull encrusted beast fire confetti after a TD.Anything more than confetti would induce serial heart attacks among the crowd of recent retiree's and holidaymakers!

The Bucs presumably got rid of the horrific original uniforms and slightly camp looking helmet logo as part of a new era where they could be taken seriuosly, in which case don't stick a kiddies ride in the endzone.Come on SI, stick to giving us pictures like this .

Now I know why Warriors fans like basketball.

Wednesday, 23 May 2007


I like Safety's.If I had been American, fast, athletic, and about 200 lbs, thats what I would have been, either that or one of Starsky and Hutch.Anyway the point being that the reason I like safetys is that they get to roam the defensive backfield looking for someone to hit, hopefully a WR with his arms in the air just nicely placed to get the wind knocked out of his body and into next week.Oh and an interception or two would be nice as well.

My favourite Raider was a Safety, he looked the part and played like a Raider.He was Vann McElroy. Not only did he hit anything that moved, he made interceptions, he adopted the Grizzly Adams look, he started fights with KC players, Oh and his father was a preacher which made the whole McElroy story that much more Raider-like.He was a Raider who took up the mantle of the Atkinsons and the Tatums in the LA years.He looked cool, and he looked like he was born in Silver and Black. As can be seen from the picture above he would probably say things like "Oi Elway come over here while I pull your face off", probably.

God bless the Vann.As his Dad might have said.


Thankyou to Kingy for finding this story.

Win Lose Or Tie, Raider Till I Die.

A slogan used on T-Shirts, tattoos, bumper stickers.A heartfelt cry from the Raider Nation and people mean it too.
If you are Robert Comer you really, really mean it though.

Judi Villa and Michael KieferThe Arizona RepublicMay. 22, 2007 11:19 AM
FLORENCE - Robert Comer never flinched Tuesday morning as he was injected with a lethal cocktail of drugs that put him to death. Comer took a picture of his daughter into the death chamber with him and seemed defiant as he smiled and maintained eye contact with his witnesses as drugs coursed through his body.His last words were "Go Raiders!" and with that, his smile slowly faded until he passed out. His chest stopped moving after the third drug was given to him.

By 10:08 a.m. he was dead.Just hours before his execution, Comer told prison workers "I am ready."

We offer no opinion on the death penalty or the character of Comer, but of all the things that must be going through your head when asked if you have any last words?! "Go Raiders" !
Now thats hardcore.

Wednesday, 16 May 2007


We don't just like the draft because its, well, the draft.Oh no we like the Draft because for years now we have been selecting our favourite stupid names pre-draft and then waiting to see what happens to them.So with an honorary mention to the class of 2007, Jacob Bender (NYJ) and Syndric Steptoe (CLE), here are our top 20 Draft Gems since 1982.Rating them 1-20 would be unfair, as they are all number one to us, feel free to let us know if you have any of your own.Heres to 2008, looking forward to it already.

Jeff Gaylord LB Missouri 1982 (L.A. Rams).

Oh dear.There was a wrestler by the name of Jeff Gaylord. Must be the same guy,You would'nt choose to be called that.

Smiley Cresswell DE Michigan St. 1983 (NE).

Smiley! A DE called Smiley! Striking fear into the hearts of Offensive lineman everywhere.

Buddy Funck QB New Mexico 1985 (DEN).

If they ever make PIMP THE MUSICAL then surely this will be the name of the lead role.

Thane Gash DB East Tennesee St. 1988 (CLE).

Some words have different meanings over here, and Gash is definitely one of those, unless it means vagina over there too.

Bryce Paup DE Northern Iowa 1990 (G.B.).

There is'nt anything particularly ridiculous here, but we have a friend who laughs at the mere mention of the Paupster.So he's in.

Yancey Thigpen WR Winston-Salem 1991 (SD).

Did you ever write out your name backwards when you were a kid to see if it was funny? Yancey did'nt have to.

Harry Colon DB Missouri 1991 (NE).

The faster you say it the worse it gets.

Larry Wanke QB John Carrol 1991 (NYG).

Another classic for us Brits, it did'nt matter how the commentators said it.

Tracy Scroggins DE Tulsa 1992 (DET).

A. Tracy is a girls name, and B. Tracy Scroggins sounds like a Country and Western singer.

Ephesians Bartley LB Florida 1992 ( PHI).

Mr and Mrs Bartley, come on, if you were going for the biblical thing, then go the whole hog and call him New Testament.

Pumpy Tudors P Tenn-Chatanooga 1992 (PHI).

The Eagles had obviously discovered comedy drafting in 1992.The fact that he's a Punter does'nt mean you can get away with Pumpy.

Harold Bishop TE Louisiana St. 1994 (TB).

This is only funny if you like Australian soap operas, because that would mean that this bloke would have been playing for the Bucs.

Carlester Crumpler TE E. Carolina 1994 (SEA).

This is a stupid name whichever way you look at it, but I did want the RAIDERS to draft him so that I could have a jersey that said Crumpler on it, being crumpled sounds painful.

Stockar McDougle T Oklahoma 2000 (DET).

Stockar! No Way. And then pairing that with McDougle.I'm not having that.

Anthony Midget WR Virginia Tech 2000 (ATL).

We have nothing against small people here but it made us snigger.

Bwawoh Jue CB Penn St. 2001 (G.B.).


Curry Burns DB Louisville 2003 (HOU).

Yes it does, and if you mix it with Guinness it will do you harm.

Richie Incognito G Nebraska 2005 (STL).

Was'nt he on the Disney Channel or something.

Craphonso Thorpe WR Florida 2005 (KC).

A personal favourite, it sounds like the name of the worlds worst magician, The Great Craphonso , and he was a Queef.

D'Brickashaw Ferguson T Virginia 2006 (NYJ).

There are alot of just plain made up first names in the NFL, alot of parents that just had a moment of madness, but come on whats wrong with Bill or Derek all of a sudden.

Special mention to the OAKLAND RAIDERS for doing their best to make the party with Brad Lekkerkkerker, Ken-Yon Rambo, and Mondriel Fulcher, but more effort is required in the future.

God Save The Al.

Saturday, 12 May 2007


This is ATSABP's slightly skewed look at what is affecting our OAKLAND RAIDERS this week, and you don't get much more skewed vision than our favourite (not really) ex-coach.

The RAIDERS are in the hunt for a new personnel exec following the disappearence of the invisible man (?) Mike Lombardi.Among all the names being mentioned as a successor, nowhere so far is the name of a man born in San Leandro, whose dad was a RAIDER, grew up around the RAIDERS, and helped his dad out in the film room when he finished playing and joined the scouting dept.Stand up Scot McCloughan, vice president of player personnel at the Whiners.He must feel physically ill every morning walking into that office secretly wearing his silver and black socks and boxers.Come on Al put him out of his misery, and at the same time crap on the 49ers lawn.You know it makes sense.

The RAIDERS O-line are happy with the new coaching scheme apparentley, Jake Grove remarked about last year " There were alot of things that were'nt explained " , such as how to run block, pass block and stop people jumping on your Quarterback.

Warren Sapp has lost anywhere from thirty four to forty nine pounds depending on which report you read.The recent mini-camp pictures confirmed that he had'nt had a leg removed as earlier thought."He looks funny does'nt he " said the only person who would likely get away with it, the mean bastard himself Derrick Burgess.

The Chargers recently unveiled their 2007 uniform, Oh dear.I would'nt like to say " you look a tool " to Lorenzo Neal's face, and luckily I don't have to.Lorenzo you look a tool.

Apparantley, Denver is short of heroes.Jesus it must be if the best candidate they have is Jay Cutlet.Horsey heroes are hard to come by, Mr Ed, Silver, and Seabiscuit spring to mind.My daughters have a horse, and most of the time they stink.

Thursday, 10 May 2007


In the beginning God created heaven and earth...

No not that far back.

British TV started covering the NFL in the early 1980's, around '83 if memory serves well.If you were immediately impressed with this new sport, the speed, the ferocity, and just the spectacle of it then all you had left to do was pick a team.The selection process, due to a lack of knowledge of the game and available information, was based pretty much on who looked good, so when a bloke in a BLACK jersey and a SILVER helmet flashed across the screen the choice was made, plus he was probably hitting another bloke wearing orange whose helmet had a horse on it.

Fast forward through my college years, which are a bit on the hazy side anyway, watching football intermittently and being the only one at Superbowl parties who knew which teams were which "No they don't all have a fat lad named after a household appliance", I met a couple of ugly men who A. liked beer as much as I did and B. Liked football and more importantly the RAIDERS.

Then it happened, the SILVER AND BLACK were coming to London, the 1990 pre-season versus the Saints.So off we went with home-made Lyle Alzado t-shirts and a box of Mr Kipling Bramley Apple Pies

No it was'nt a Metallica/German porn star convention as the picture may suggest, but a collection of people who enjoyed crowding around radios listening to shitty quality Armed Forces Radio broadcasts and convincing people (mainly rugby fans) that wearing padding was'nt gay, who were about to finally see through beer misted eyes.... their team lose.We did'nt care we had seen the RAIDERS play, we had been allowed into the practice session a day before the game and shouted "McDaniel" at Terry McDaniel which he seemed impressed with.

We have now seen the RAIDERS lose in London, Oakland and San Francisco.In 2007 we plan to see a win, and then go to Rickys and get drunk.Hang on we do that when we lose.Ah well to 2007, from across the pond, good luck Kiff and toodle pip.God save The Al.