THE DO's AND DONT's FOR THE FIRST TIME VISITOR

Here is a quick Brits abroad guide to visiting Oakland and doing the whole football thing with ease.

DONT: Get a taxi from the airport (SFO) if you are staying in SF, the BART is cheap and quick and will get you all the way to the East Bay as well.

DO: Get off the BART in the East Bay, go straight to your hotel, drop your bags and then head to Ricky's and get drunk, despite jet-lag.You'll be wanting the BAYFAIR stop.

DONT: Get off the BART at the wrong stop, and despite a shit sense of direction head off in a random fashion until admitting you are lost finding that you are actually in Hayward.

DO: Then ring a taxi and get Mike Singh, official driver to the RAIDERS fans, to rescue you and take you to the correct place, although

DONT: Ask Mike to take you to San Francisco or fall asleep on him in his cab, he is'nt too happy with either prospect.

DONT: Go for your first breakfast in California and ask the very nice Mexican gentleman for some "easy over", or "easy over easy" eggs.He will look at you strangely.

DO: Go to see RAIDERHED, its the law.

DO: Meet some of your heroes, who turn out to be all round nice blokes, thankyou Jim Plunkett, Kenny King, and Rod Martin.

DONT: Stay in San Francisco if you don't like being asked for money.

DO: Stay in San Leandro instead, and get drunk again at Ricky's.

DO: Go to Berkeley, its got a great atmosphere, cheaper beer, shuffleboard, Blakes on Telegraph, and CAL football.Oh and its the home of west coast punk.

DONT: Attempt to walk from downtown Berkeley to the Marina, get the bus its easier.No Kingy its not a mile on the map is it?

DO: Get an invite to a Tailgate, its not hard, have a drink with some fellow RAIDERS fans and hey presto you're in.The Nation will look after you, its the law.Then take alot of beer.

DONT: Use the portaloo's at the Coliseum unless absoloutely necessary, you will have nightmares about what you will see in there.

DO: Climb into the back of an SUV with a large cup instead and smile at passers-by, and hope that A. Its only a one cupper and B. You never get the urge to shit before a game.

DONT: Drink so much before and during the game that you can't remember where your tailgate spot was afterwards.

DO: Go to Heinold's Last Chance Saloon at Jack London Square in Oakland and have a fine pint of Guinness.

DO: Go to THE RAIDER IMAGE on Hegenberger and see your money disappear.

DONT: Set off on foot from Hegenberger to the Coliseum, lots of American's in cars will look in astonishment at the pasty english people walking.

DONT: Be asking for a cup of tea unless you want that cold lemony shit.You'll be wanting a hot tea won't you.Well ask for one then, or have a coffee its up to you.

DONT: Be surprised when the term RAIDER NATION turns out to be an actual living breathing real-life attitude, where a visit to OAKLAND, Nation HQ, gives you the feeling that you are officially initiated.

DO: Adopt a mid-atlantic accent, if most of England can't understand your accent then the average American has no chance.But

DONT: Go completely over the top and develop a complete mock-american accent within 3 days or your mates will laugh at you.

DO: Embrace the word Limey.

DONT: Get vertigo, its shit.

DO: Represent in SF while doing the whole touristy thing, if you actually do see a Whiner fan they won't say anything, due to the fact that they suspect that you may shoot them in the face.

DO: Enjoy California, and say we sent you.